Even this photo breaks my heart

This is taken from my book, “Innervisions for the Outer You.”  I know it is a long post by today’s standards but I think Fear is something that is not spoken about enough and can use a more in-depth discussion.  As always, if you have ways that you have overcome fear in your life and would like to share it with others, please let me know at [email protected] or Facebook page: Clubtrio.    

Deep-seated fears are prevalent in most of our lives today. Sometimes it's far below the surface and we don’t even know the influence it has on us. Working to overcome fear is important and not easy.  I believe that with inner strength, we can realize our capabilities, and though we may feel that fear is present, move through it.

What is fear?

Fear is a reaction to someone or something that we create. There are two major personal fears common to all human beings. The first is not being good enough, and the second is not being loved.  

The simple and easiest way to counter these tendencies is to work on loving and accepting ourselves.  By doing so, we give ourselves value, and thus, do not accept less than what we need. Self love takes the power away from others and puts us back in control.

Fear can come in many forms such as:  being afraid of plane travel, disease, heights, and my personal nemesis, confrontation.

I’m going to go out on a limb and talk about the fear of death. My husband and I had a conversation that rings true to me and may for you as well. We discussed how, by not fully engaging in our lives, we can pretend that we are immortal. We have a sense that there is always tomorrow. Tomorrow we can start that project, tomorrow we can eat better, or tomorrow we will fully engage with our children. We try to forget that time will always be moving forward and that one day we will not be here. It is comforting to stay in this false reality.

Sometimes we are so afraid of not being liked that we do not confront someone about something that we need or that may be bothering us. From experience, I think most of us have realized that the confrontation is usually much less threatening than we first thought. If we avoid speaking to the person or dealing with the problem, we often build it up to such a burden that we carry this load around with us. Next thing you know, we are stopping at 7/11 for another pint of ice cream. Have you been there? I sure have.

Fears may keep us from having experiences that we may dream about or from taking advantage of opportunities that present themselves. By remembering in our hearts what magnificent creations we are, we can gather the strength to move forward. Fear may still be present but we can take on the experience with joy. If we remain entrenched in fear, self doubt or indecision, our lives begin to stagnate.

It’s hard to believe, but being fit is so foreign to some people that they actually are uncomfortable with it. This wrong way of thinking leads to wrong action, which leads to no action. Maybe you are afraid of what others will say if they know that you are trying to get in shape? Do you wonder if they think that you are being vain and selfish? Do you get embarrassed going to a gym or are afraid that you will be judged if you don’t exercise perfectly?

You will not have the magic life if you are more fit, but you will feel more vital and attractive, and you will have put yourself on the path to health for the coming years.
When the heart becomes heavy with fear, doubt, and indecision, the body takes on the problem. This is the integration of mental, physical, and spiritual health at work again.

What can we do?

The answer to living a life free of fear, or free of love handles for that matter, lies in setting our focus and applying ourself one small step at a time. Ask yourself, “What am I sacrificing in order to keep this imagined sense of safety and security?” It's ok to be a little afraid. Another question to ask is, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” Most of the time, the worst can be dealt with. 

Sometimes you may not like the answer but you will have to do it anyway. This doesn’t mean that the fear will leave you. What is the definition of bravery anyway? Isn’t it feeling the fear yet still taking the necessary action? Another way to approach fear is to look at it like a long lost friend. “Ah, yes, I remember you!” How are you? Are you coming to visit again? Come on in, the door is open! I bet if you look at fear this way, you will start feeling differently right away. You’ll be the one in control and fear will take a lesser hold.

 If you concentrate on your desired result, take a deep breath and blow out strongly to release tension, there is a good chance that the fear will lesson. 

Try to get more REM sleep. REM sleep is when the body is most rested and has the most dreams.  Working on your sleep habits seems to be beneficial to helping lesson fear's hold.  Researchers at Rutgers University posted in the Journal of Neuroscience that those benefiting from REM sleep show less of a connection between the Amygdala, the part of the brain linked to fear responses, and the regions of the brain that encode them.  Subjects also showed more emotional resilience to fear and distress. Rutgers Magazine, Winter 2018, p. 34)

 You can read my blog post on sleep with some common sense ways to improve it if your sleep is not optimal.  

Try to remember that most circumstances are temporary. When we take circumstances personally we allow problems to cloud correct judgment. Realizing and facing our fears is of paramount importance. Not only is it extremely empowering, it will do wonders for our self-esteem and our sense of accomplishment.