Word Selection

Our choice of words can empower or destroy. 

That sounds a bit intense and an exaggeration... but is it?

The language that we use on a daily basis can have profound effects on our moods and the moods of the people that we share our lives with. It’s interesting to listen to children when they are forming their social networks and how each one will use the same phrases to belong. When my daughter was 8 years old, she was very conscious of the language that was used in our house. If she heard a bad word, we would hear her little voice calling out, “Bad Word Alert!” She wanted a “classy” family and bad language did not fit with her ideal image of us.  Let’s just say it’s a work in progress with an older brother in the house.

We can get in the habit of being short tempered and say words that are foul. They may just roll off the tongue, but if you observe closely, your children or spouse might tense up, afraid that their next words might trigger more hostility. Tensions can certainly rise.

Alternately, we may point out our own perceived shortcomings and subconsciously imprint them. As a parent, I am very careful with what I say. I am not perfect for sure, but little ears hear a lot more than you think. Having a little girl in Los Angeles or anywhere else these days, is challenging as far as body image. Moms will tell me crazy diet strategies like they haven’t had bread for two years, don’t eat anything after 5pm, eat only salads, you get it. One day I was teaching my son tennis and my daughter commented on the thickness of my thighs. She was not being mean, more like playing with the muscle and softer inner thigh area. At this stage in my life, I was not insulted but very careful of my verbal response. I said, “Isn’t it great that these legs have enabled me to do wonderful things like dance and teach your brother tennis?” I also said that we are all built differently some with thin legs, some with strong legs and some with heavier legs. If we eat healthy and exercise regularly, our bodies will be what they were meant to be.” Obviously, I was proud of myself or I wouldn’t have remembered our little conversation. :)

We are now being told to complement our kids on their efforts instead of saying something like, “You’re so smart.”  Researchers have found that kids respond better to this.  It’s a process to try to relate to our family, employees, and others in a way that resonates with them, but it’s worth it.

After reading a post written by a woman in Weight Watchers I was moved to tears, in a good way,  I was grateful that this person shared her story knowing that hundreds of people received her message.  That’s the power of words. 

What I really find enjoyable is to give a compliment to someone whether you know them or not. Now it has be something real. If you look hard enough, everyone has something wonderful about them. Watch as their face lights up and feel the energy shift in the room.  They will feel good and you will, too. Now that’s a win-win.